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Perimenopause and Your Sex Drive: What’s Really Going On

Let’s be real: perimenopause comes with a lot of plot twists. Hot flashes in the middle of board meetings? Check. Sleep that suddenly ghosted you? Check. And yes, a shifting sex drive that can feel like your body’s playing its own game of musical chairs.

But here’s the truth: You’re not broken, you’re not alone, and there are plenty of ways to spark joy (and desire) in the bedroom again. With a few tweaks, your perimenopause sex drive could actually be the best it’s ever been.

Why your sex drive may change during perimenopause

Hormones are the headline act here. As estrogen and progesterone start to fluctuate, your body may experience changes in vaginal lubrication, sensitivity, and mood — all of which can affect desire. Add in stress, lack of sleep, and maybe a partner who snores louder than a leaf blower, and it’s no wonder your libido sometimes taps out.

The science backs this up: according to a study published in Menopause: The Journal of The North American Menopause Society, perimenopausal women often report changes in sexual function, but lifestyle factors and emotional connection play a huge role in how those changes are experienced.

Good news: desire is flexible

Here’s the fun part: Your sex drive isn’t a static thing. It’s influenced not just by hormones but also by context, connection, and yes, laughter. Start by making sex fun.

“Laughing together before sex is a huge turn-on,” says Stripes Advisory Board Member Cindy Meston, Ph.D, professor of clinical psychology and Director of the Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of Texas at Austin. “Keep your conversations before sex light and happy – no heavy debates, no lists of things we have to do, no solving your relationship problems. Instead, go to a comedy show, watch a funny movie, tease, laugh, giggle, be silly and light-hearted.”

A little laughter doesn’t just set the mood — it literally gets the blood flowing. Laughing activates the sympathetic nervous system, which has been shown to increase genital blood flow and lubrication.

Tips to boost your perimenopause sex drive

Lighten the vibe. Channel Dr. Meston’s advice: watch something funny together, crack inside jokes, or just let yourself be playful.
Prioritize self-care. Better sleep, movement, and stress management all have a ripple effect on desire.
Talk about it. Sometimes the best foreplay is a conversation (just maybe not about taxes or who’s unloading the dishwasher).
Explore support options. From lifestyle shifts to HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and other menopause prescription treatments, there are medical routes that can make intimacy more comfortable and enjoyable.

Your perimenopause sex drive doesn’t have to be a mystery or a downer. It’s a phase, not a finale. With the right mix of humor, connection, and maybe a little medical support, you can absolutely keep intimacy fun, satisfying, and full of spark.

So next time you’re stressing about whether your libido is “normal,” ditch the worry and go queue up a comedy special. Science says laughter really is one of the sexiest aphrodisiacs around.